My truly honest scrap

[Honest Scrap AwardStill no new sewing projects. I’m so sorry, these last few days have been so cold I stay in the living room most of the time, curling in the couch like a spoiled cat.

But here’s an ‘Honest Scrap Award’ that Trudy from ‘Sewing with Trudy’ has awarded me recently. Thank you, Trudy! Sorry for taking so long to reply!

The rules for this award are pretty simple:

  1. Thank the person who awarded the prize, mention their blog and give the link.
  2. Share ‘Ten Honest Things’ about yourself.
  3. Present this award to seven others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
  4. Tell those seven people they’ve been awarded the Honest Scrap award and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

Now for my honest stuff. I’m going to share some things that I’ve never mentioned before in this blog. Are you ready? Really? Are you sure? Err… here we go:

One: I have scoliosis, a medical condition in which a person’s spine is curved from side to side. It makes my hip and shoulder uneven, one side is higher than the other. That’s why I love wearing dresses that doesn’t accentuate my waist and hip area. It’s actually pretty obvious when I stand straight, but I’ve learned to walk and stand in a way so people haven’t really noticed it (or so I thought).

Because of the condition, I had to wear rigid body brace in my teenage year to prevent it from getting worse during my growing year. I was already an unhappy and depressed kid in the first place, so the brace only made it worse by making me feel different and weird.

Another effect of my curved spine is back pain. I have this spot on the right side of my back that is forever in pain, sometimes it feels numb. But as it’s always there, I’ve got pretty used to it.

(picture source: Wikipedia )

Suicide GirlsTwo: Maybe because I’ve already got used to feeling pain, I used to cut myself or bang my head on the wall when upset. Well, that’s not really a good reason actually. Anyway, I have at least one suicide attempt. It was pretty lame and I failed terribly (err, obviously). This is a vector drawing that I made during those darker era. Pretty emo, eh?

Three: This is a picture of me in school days. Isn’t she look sad? It was not a happy time, I was confused and really depressed. I thought I was ugly. I wore thick eyeglasses and my body was wrapped in that rigid body brace that no other kids had ever seen. I also had wire teeth braces on upper and lower teeth (not popular at that time) and had to wear orthodontic headgear at home. Click here if you want to see the thing I’m talking about. And why do those people look so happy in the pictures?

Sometimes I still feel ugly, then I look at my pictures and think that I’m not so ugly. That is why I love taking a lot pictures of myself to remind me. In reality I’m still very quiet and preferred to be alone.

Four: I tend to write a lot when I’m upset, and make stuff when I’m happy. Writing is such a quiet activity. I stay in one corner and everything is happening in my own head. It’s only me and my thoughts. I look only into myself.

But when making stuff like sewing, I have to be all over the place. I’m on my knees on the floor making patterns and cutting fabrics. Then I go to the sewing room, attaching all those pieces. Sometimes they hide under my seat or behind the desk as if they’re playing with me. I’m sitting there surrounded by fabrics, buttons, and trimmings. I look out from myself.

launching06Five: Once upon a time in 2004, I published a novel. Referring to point no.4, you can imagine how unhappy I was at the time. The book got some mixed reviews, it was considered honest, depressing, and pathetic at the same time.

I had a very personal reason for publishing the book, and since it has been accomplished, I have no intention of publishing another novel.

Here’s a picture of the launching event. The pretty lady in black is quite a famous writer in Indonesia. I look so small! (Well, I am small)

Six: Sidra was an unplanned child. I had never wanted to have a child of my own since I didn’t want to raise a kid as depressed and unhappy as I was. But he suddenly came into my life and changed everything. He was such a happy baby, smiling and laughing all the time. I was very, very depressed, a case of untreated post-partum depression, but he was just there, always smiling and laughing and talking to me, snapping me back to reality.

When he got a little bigger, he learned to wipe my tears when I was upset. He’s my little hero.

Mamad & SidraSeven: Sidra is my husband’s stepson. They first met in July 2007. This is a picture of their first meeting.

weightaq9Eight: My weight has stayed the same since highschool, that is 38 kg. I weighed 48 kg when I was 9 month pregnant. This picture was taken in January, 2008, when my weight was dangerously 36 kg.

Nine: I’m an atheist.

008-acaraTen: This is no secret but a very honest thing. I’m happy now and insanely in love with my husband. He’s another hero of my life, maybe I will write about him sometime ^.^

That’s ten! Now, it’s so hard choosing ONLY seven person to nominate! There are so many wonderful person out there! But I finally can make a list of seven here:

  1. Vivat Veritas
  2. Little Sweet Hearts
  3. Oonaballoona
  4. Kiraph
  5. ~Ruffles And Stuff~
  6. TangerineSamurai
  7. Meet me at Mike’s

Thank you for reading! It was kinda hard but also fun! (^.^)d

Filed under life / .
  • http://farsland.blogspot.com Far

    :) I’ve read your blog for a while now, every now and again I read the older posts, but couldn’t believe I missed this one. Thank you for sharing. I feel you and I am glad that you found happiness with your family life and your creativity. Hugsss…

  • http://yuanitacik.blogspot.com/ yuanita

    Salam kenal Mbak Novita,
    maaf saya pakai bahasa Indonesia ya.. karena bahasa Inggris saya gak bagus ^^
    saya Yuanita, selama ini lihat website Mbak Novita cuman lihat-lihat tutorialnya saja, waktu saya mampir di postingan ini gak nyangka ternyata Mbak Novita scoliosis, tapi sekarang sudah membaik kan Mbak?
    saya kagum sama Mbak karena Mbak Novita kreatif sekali , dan juga baik mau bagi-bagi tutorial bikin dompet, tempat tissue juga desain-desain jahitan Mbak, bikin saya termotivasi ^^
    sekali lagi maaf ya Mbak kalau saya pakai bahasa Indonesia, padahal bahasa utama web ini Inggris ^^

    Salam hangat,
    Yuanita

    • verypurpleperson

      Terima kasih Yuanita :)

  • Aura

    I just came across your blog today, and I want to thank you for sharing your honest post. From your blog, I would never have been able to tell that you’ve had such dark moments (I know those feelings all too well myself). I hope others will also draw inspiration from your blog!

  • http://mysweetsourlife.blogspot.com Adelheid

    Mbak Novita, salam kenal. Ngga sengaja mampir ke blog ini lewat link temen. aku ngga bisa berhenti baca dari halaman awal sampai kebelakang.
    btw aku juga di JPN, moga2 suatu hari bisa ketemu a beautiful talented woman like you mbak *wink*

  • Michelle

    Dear Novita,
    I have just now read this post. I am so shocked and heartbroken to hear that you were so unhappy and even attempted suicide. I never would have guessed that about you. I just wanted to tell you that I am so glad that you are still here with us. If you were gone you wouldn’t have the joys of your life now, and the happiness that you share with us out in the world would be void. You are a special part of so many lives of people that you will never meet. I am one. You really are beautiful and you have a beautiful family.

  • http://konnyaku.wordpress.com ste

    have nothing to say except, I love every thing about you! :)
    *been a silent reader of your blog(s) since about 5-6 years ago, baru mulai berani komen sejak di multiply hihi* :D

    • verypurpleperson

      Glad to know you too :)

  • http://blog.tuotuolirui.com DJ

    Once reached the end of the line, I found myself almost in tears.

  • jean

    Hi, i read that you have spine problem… I am not sure if you can find a good chiropratic in tokyo, if you can, it is good to visit to improve your spine problem. a few friends of mine have this problem too and I am trying to solve mine and feedback after each visit is positive. And it does help with the back pain.. I can feel it cos I also have frequent back pain… just my two-cents worth..

    Thanks for this lovely blog.
    jean

    • verypurpleperson

      Thank you so much for your concern, Jean!
      I found a chiropractor ver near to my house a couple of weeks ago, and have been seeing her every week. It really has an impact! My pain is getting less and less prominent now and I’m not as easily tired as before, I’m very happy! :)

      • jean

        I am so glad to hear this!! Take care and keep up the good work here… I am so inspired to sew myself a dress cos it has always been what I wanted to do but do not have the courage to do so :-)

        Take care!
        jean

  • hna

    first.. i can’t speak english well,, so sorry for any mistake…. lol… ;D

    okay…. i just found your blog about few days ago.. and wawwww……
    it’s such a wonderful blog…
    very creative,, full of happiness….
    and…………
    one thing that made me falling in love with you is your honesty..

    when i read the other blog,, there were only about happiness,, they wrote about the good thing in them.. but “jarang” (uh.. i dont know how to say it in english.. lol..) they wrote about the bad things…

    but you are different…. i’m so proud of you…

    okeyy… i can’t write to much….
    i don’t have writing talent like you did…

    nice to know you…..

    ..xoxo..

  • Jan

    Thank you for your honesty. The typical blog has only reports of sweetness and light. Your’s is a breath of fresh air. I must say for myself, I am grateful to hear of someone more depressed than me! You are inspirational on many levels. Lastly, when I saw your image at the top of the screen, my first thought was “Oh I hate her for her easy chic beauty”.
    With my compliments
    Jan

  • http://www.marcelamaldonado.com/blog Marcela

    Hi! I’ve found your blog a couple of days ago looking for ideas, I got my first sewing machine last week and I’m crazy about making clothes and bags and…and…everything! So I want to tell you I love the fabrics you use, the cute dresses you make, the patterns, the colors, just gorgeous style of yours!

    But then I kept on reading and reading when I have a little time in my work, and read this entry, when you open yourself and talk about depression, I can tell you, I got a depression tendence too, but if anything makes me feel useful and happy is creating. Last year I went through a little crisis I was passing through a year of being unemployed and I was feeling pointless, useless, confused, bored…But then when I wasn’t even thinking on getting any job, at the end of the year I got a job, not a “dream job” but it’s been great being surrounded by creative people, I’m now stimulated all the time. And then I remembered that I always enjoyed to sew, to create…so, here I am, with my job, wich I don’t “love” but I know it helps me to do all the things I love to do. I bought my sewing machine, I’m about to take sewing classes and suddenly I can’t wait to go back home and start a new project.

    Everything flows now, I’m no longer waiting for days to pass, and time flies when I’m using my sewing machine! So, it’s just a week ago when I bought it, and I never used one before and I made a skirt and a reversible bag…I got a lot of things to be proud of! And so you, you have a beautiful family that loves you, and you’ll never be alone with your skills, you’ll never be alone or useless when you have the gift to create.

    Thank you.

    Marcela

  • Gale

    I just came across your website and have been reading all of your posts. You have been incredibly brave and resourceful. Your inner beauty is as great as your outer beauty and you are beautiful. Children and a loving relationship make such a difference in life. I’ve been married for almost 40 years with two wonderful daughters. Enjoy life and love!! As for your english…It is fantastic. You probably speak, read and write at least 3 languages which is an amazing accomplishment. Here in the states, most people only know one language. Continue to believe in yourself because you are incredibly talented.

    • verypurpleperson

      Wow 40 years! I have to say congratulations, Gale!
      Glad to have you visiting my blog :)

  • http://kakikopi.blogspot.com kakikopi

    i have just come across your blog and every bit of it is simply lovely. you are an incredibly gifted and beautiful person.

    thank you for sharing, i can identify with those times. writing during times of depression, wearing braces (i had them for 5 years), and growing up feeling ugly.

  • Leah

    Thanks for sharing all that. I’m new to your blog but I’ve simply loved everything I’ve come across so far. Your so incredibly talented!!! I wish I could be a lot more like you! I understand very much, what you’ve been through. I was very lonely and depressed myself for a very long time. Inspite of all the many skills I’ve been blessed with, I always lacked confidence and was painfully shy. I met an amazing man three years ago and we got married last year and he has helped me in so many ways to become confident and happy again. I just want you to know that you are a truly beautiful soul!!! God Bless!

    • verypurpleperson

      Thank you for the sweet words, Leah! ^.^

  • Amanda

    I just found your blog this morning and after reading this post I couldn’t not leave a comment. I can relate to so much of what you’ve said here: feeling ugly and unpopular, self-injuring… It’s not an easy thing to come out of, to grow into a self confident person and to place worth on yourself that you deserve better. I’m glad that you are in a better place in life and bringing beauty and joy into the world through your work!

    I’m also an atheist. :)

  • http://mybotang.blogspot.com Sueemran

    hye,
    I follow your blog and i always admire your creativity. i inspire to be like you.. hopefully.
    your honesty is brutal but may have touched many..i’m one of them.. i can relate to some of the things you were talking about. I hope you find peace with yourself.. and you’re BEAUTIFUL.
    .-= Sueemran´s last blog ..Kitty ちゃん wall hanging =-.

  • cristina

    I´m shoked and amazed by your corage. I visit the blog frequently and love it.

    I sit and ponder if I could be so brave and honest as you. I could not.

    I hope for better days, for you.

    Cristina
    Your admirator from Portugal

  • yoshimi

    Hi, I know I came here too late… but I can’t leave without saying hello. I think you are a clever and sensible lady who is also beautiful. Now I know a part of the reason. I can describe more of you charming, when I see you next time!

    • verypurpleperson

      Aww thank you Yoshimi!
      Let’s meet again sometime ^.^

  • elizabeth

    love ur blog. love ur talent. love ur honesty. xoxo

  • SewLindaAnn

    I’ve been so inspired by your sewing and fashion sense on your blog, I didn’t really think of the “person” behind the words. I am sitting here rather speechless and teary while digesting your honesty. I’m sure, like myself, there are many, many other women who didn’t truly love themselves in any way thru long periods of their life. I’m really happy inside that you were able to come to terms with your feelings and manage them. Hopefully you continue to appreciate yourself more each day! I plan on showing this to my son who is a teenager and suffers from anxiety/depression, etc. Battle, battle battle. I always approach things with him from a very real and honest perspective. Art helps him too. Sorry so long a comment, I just felt so strongly emotional.

  • Lucille

    Oh, like I was reading about myself, maybe a little less depressive, but still….

    I’m having scoliosis, too, and when I was 15 I had operation that was necessary, so I know what means all the depression, that you have mentioned.

    Wish you luck in the future and I can say, that I love your creations.
    Lucille

  • http://sewsitall.blogspot.com/ Erika Mulvenna

    Oh yeah, braces at the same time as the back brace, me too. What a nightmare. They shouldn’t do that to kids!
    .-= Erika Mulvenna´s last blog ..The Rockabillies =-.

  • http://sewsitall.blogspot.com/ Erika Mulvenna

    Dude. I also have Scoliosis and had to wear that dreaded Milwaukee back brace all through Jr. High and High School. I feel your pain. I SO feel your pain.
    .-= Erika Mulvenna´s last blog ..The Rockabillies =-.

  • http://r05a.blogspot.com Rosa

    Wow this is amazingly inspirational. I’m so happy that you’re feeling so happy. :)
    .-= Rosa´s last blog ..Why is Rosa Nguyen Boring? =-.